Until My Heart Stops Beating
by blueturtle14
Summary: A Oneshot showing Cole's thoughts and feeling on three of the times he is 'vanquished'.


**Disclaimer: I do not own Charmed.**

**AN: I was watching 'Centimental Charmed' and thought it would be cool to see Cole's point of view on various points of the relationship. It took me about an hour to write so sorry for any mistakes. The entire one shot is told from Cole's POV.**

2000-

It had been a long day. I'd been wounded by Phoebe and her sisters and the wound hadn't made the day any easier. The Source had sent Krell, a demonic bounty hunter after me and apparently I was worth a large reward. I'd successfully managed to avoid Krell all day but Phoebe had tracked me down at my apartment and soon discovered my injury.

I'd panicked, hoping she wouldn't notice that my wound was the exact match of the one her sisters had inflicted upon Belthazor. She'd found Leo and asked him to heal me. I didn't think this would work but it did, probably because of my human half. The human half that had a powerful control over me, a control that was magnified when I was with Phoebe and I felt that stab of love for her. Phoebe was the most amazing person I'd ever met, she'd been through so much but she was still so strong. She'd found out I was a demon and that must have killed her but now, she stood over me, her face a mask a strength.

"Don't even think that's gonna save you." She said as I turned from Belthazor to Cole and gazed up at her.

"I don't," I replied "I just wanted you to see who I really am, Phoebe."

"I've seen who you really are." I could hear the tears in her voice, breaking it slightly "Belthazor."

It hurt me to hear her call me that. It tore me apart. Piper and Prue had never trusted me, when they looked at me, it was as though they saw the demon inside. But Phoebe saw the man I wanted to be. She saw Cole Turner.

With tears building in her eyes, Phoebe raised the vanuishing potion in her hand and prepared to throw it.

"Wait, wait." I pleaded, rising slightly, "I won't hurt you." I could never hurt Phoebe because that would hurt me to much.

"No?" Phoebe asked "It's a little to late for that. Don't you think?" By now, the tears really were coming down Phoebe's face but she still looked beautiful.

"Why?" She questioned, her voice filled with a thousand questions "Why didn't you just kill me?"

The words stabbed through me. I didn't kill her because I couldn't, because I loved her. Why couldn't she see that?

"Why did you have to put me though all this? Was it some sick, twisted, demonic thrill? Is that it was?"

I shook my head slightly, she couldn't have been more wrong. "No, that's not it." My own voice was edged with tears.

"Then what was it?" She demanded. I'd never heard so much anger and betrayal and hate in one question.

"I couldn't kill you," I explained "I tried, I was supposed to. I... I mean at first you and your sister thrawted my attempts even when I went back in time to destory your line on all Hallows Eve."

"That was you?" Phoebe asked.

"Then Trox, Antrax. I got him to strip your powers, to make you vulnerable and I had you too, right where I wanted you. All I had to do was finish the job but I couldn't because I realised I love you."

"You basterd!" Phoebe spat, backing away slightly.

"That's the truth, Phoebe." I said, standing up. "I admit everything else is a lie but not that. I know that you know that too, in your heart. This isn't a mask, Phoebe, it's who I am, who I really am."

That was the night that Phoebe Halliwell spared my life. She made it look like I had been vanquished, like I was dead but she let me go. That was the night I knew I'd love Phoebe Halliwell until my heart stopped beating.

2002-

Phoebe shut herself in the bathroom and I heard the sound of her throwing up in the toilet. I stood in the living room, listening at the bathroom door as she turned the taps on. She was crying and gasping. Having heard enough, I walked back into the living room. It felt strange and powerful being the Source but I was worried about Phoebe.

The sound of orbs filled the room and Leo stood with his arm around Piper once the blue lights had cleared. Paige then orbed in behind me and I turned to face her. Once Prue had died, the sisters found out about their half sister, Paige. I had found Prue annoying but it was nothing compared to Paige. She too had never trusted me which I guess made her smart.

A silence filled the room as we all watched each other intently. I knew why Piper and Paige had come here tonight but they weren't going to succeed. It was Paige who broke the silence.

"You evil son of a bitch."

Piper blew me up but she knew it wouldn't work, I was the Source now and it would take more power than that to stop me. When I reformed, Paige was crouched on the floor at my feet, forming a Crystal Cage. She had placed three down.

"Paige." Piper warned.

I telekinetically flung the youngest sister against the wall, she landed with a thump, dropping the last crystal and sending it bouncing across the floor. Piper and Leo crouched next to Paige, checking she was okay.

"Don't make me kill you." I muttered but it wasn't me talking. It wasn't Cole Turner, it was the Source.

Piper stood up and blew me up again.

"Phoebe!" I heard her shout but the buzzing in my head drowned most of it out. "You heard what he said, he's gonna kill us, help us!"

I reformed, hoping my queen would stand by me as she always had. Paige was now being helped to her feet by her sister and her brother-in-law. I formed a fire ball on my hand, regretting that I would have to use it. Phoebe had exited the bathroom, she looked a mess but she was still beautiful to me. She picked up the crystal Paige had dropped and cupped it to her stomach.

"I'm sorry," I said and turned my head to her sisters, the sisters I was about to kill "It's for the best."

" I know it is." Phoebe whispered and she started walking towards me.

I felt strangly happy that Phoebe had chosen me over the sisters she loved and cherished so much. Piper, Leo and Paige were looking at Phoebe with confusion as she crossed to me and kissed me. Her lips were soft against mine and the kiss started a fire deep inside me. Phoebe never failed to unleash a warm glow in me, a glow that gave me hop for us.

"Phoebe?" Piper questioned.

Phoebe ended the kiss and looked deep into my eyes as she said "I'm sorry too."

The woman I loved backed away from me and with each step, I could feel her heart slipping futher away from mine. She placed the last crystal down, completing the cage and trapping me like the rat I was.

"Phoebe, no." I begged as she joined her family. "No!"

I was truly desperte now. Desperate and alone. "I'm so sorry, baby." Phoebe was so quiet I barely heard her. "I'm so sorry."

Piper started the spell but I paid no attention the names and words that the three took turns chanting. Flames danced around my feet, burning just like Phoebe's decision had. "I'll always love you." I promised and I would, I'd love Phoebe until my heart stopped beating.

2003-

This was it, the final time I saw Phoebe Halliwell. My plan to win Phoebe back had back fired and Paige had once again ruined everything. This was the final stand off. The Charmed Ones were stood with their Whitelighter at the bottom of the stairs in the manor.

"Where's Cole?" Piper directed her question at Phoebe.

"Right here." I stepped forward and threw an energy ball at Paige, Leo and Piper.

It hit, sending them crashing into the banister. They all landed on the floor, face down. I summoned the potion they held to me, knowing that this time, they would fail.

"What did you do to them?" Phoebe knelt infront of her family.

"Exactly what they were gonna do to me." I replied, leaning against the wall.

Paige reahed out and took Piper's hand, "She's still alive, grab her hand."

"I don't know how you got here, Paige." I adressed the youngest sister "But if it's any consullation, I know exactly where I'm gonna bury you; right next to yourself."

In the world I'd sent the sisters to, Prue had died but Piper and Phoebe had never found out about their baby sister. She was dead and buried. Piper spent her time hunting demons in the hopes of avenging Prue's death and Phoebe was mine. Things between us were like I dreamed they would be. Like they should be.

Paige ignored me, "Grab her hand." Phoebe did as instructed and a blue light shone from the Chandelir, marking the rebirth of the Charmed Ones. Marking that once again, my love had been stolen from me by her sisters.

I threw another energy ball but it flew back at me and I narrowly ducked in time. Phoebe and Paige were now on their feet.

"The Power of Three." Phoebe said.

"That's us." Paige was slightly smug "Potion!" The potion orbed from my hand back to hers.

She tilted her head slightly. "I do hate long goodbyes." She raised the potion.

"No!" Phoebe interjected, stopping her sister. A surge of hope shone through me that maybe Phoebe wasn't willing to see me die after all. She snatched the potion from Paige's grip.

"Phoebe are you crazy? Throw it before he shimmers out!" Paige ordered.

Phoebe looked at me, pain in her eyes.

"She's not gonna throw it." I smiled slightly. "Are you?" It wasn't a question, I was certain she wouldn't throw it.

"Throw. The. Potion." Paige was losing all patience.

"We've been through so much together." I began, pouring all my love into the sentance "Haven't we? Our love's so strong nothing can destroy it. Not even this."

Phoebe didn't respond, just looked into my eyes.

"We're meant to be together," I went on with my speech.

"I don't think so." Phoebe took me by surprise. I thought I'd reached her heart but judging by the fact she was throwing the potion I was wrong.

Everything seemed to slow down as the potion flew but I stayed still. If Phoebe didn't want me around then life wasn't worth it. I wanted her to be happy even if it was without me. It hit me and the flames erupted. I screamed as agony took over my body. Whether it was the agony of the potion or of Phoebe's choice I wasn't shore. I didn't know if Phoebe loved me anymore but I knew that I'd loved her until my heart stopped beating and I'd love her forever more.

**AN: Hope you enjoyed reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it :D. Thanks to anyone who reads or reviews. **

**Just a question for any Charmed fans: What is your favorite season of Charmed? What are you favorite episodes? **

**My favorite season is 6 and my favorite episodes are 'Forever Charmed', 'Sense and Sense Ability' and 'The Day the Magic Died'**


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